February 8, 2022
We are in February now, and it comes as no surprise, that I feel pushed to write about my activated Lines in the Gate of Intimacy. For all of you, who haven’t gone as deep into the knowledge yet,
February and August are the mating months of the year.
And for me, where intimacy is concerned, it’s getting weird. 😜
Because the Line 6.1 in the Gate of Intimacy is defined by my Personality Uranus. Which means, that I’m having a very peculiar way of being intimate. Riding the wave of weakness and strength. 🌊
To give it to you straight, I fuck up royally, where intimacy is concerned. I’m currently putting together some hilarious stories about my experiences with physical intimacy. Yes, they are about sex and will come out as two eBooks soon.
And my Design Uranus, which resides in the Line 6.2, doesn’t help either. Because it’s the wave of approach and withdrawal.
Since Line 6.1 is a first Line, it’s investigating intimacy. From all angles. The shadow side includes an inferiority complex. And I got deeply imprinted by that. 😥😑🙄
I got burned so many times,
that I shied away from getting close to people in the end. 🔥🔥🔥
Once bitten, twice shy.
Oh, conditioning is such a bitch. You can get so distorted from who you really are, it’s ridiculous. And yes, conditioning can also be wonderful, like everything else in this crazy Biverse, there is no thing that has only one side.
It’s always both. 😈😇
So, I got to investigate intimacy from many angles. And most of them were painful.
Because the search for love, when you have an open G-Center like mine, will never lead to fulfillment. 😯
There is no real love, while we are incarnated. There’s just mechanic connectivity, that we call love.
Incarnation means separation. ⚡
The Design Crystal in the Ajna is yearning for the Magnetic Monopole, which went down into the G-Center at birth.
This is the union we are really craving. 💞
And it only happens, when we die.
Understanding this mystical truth, has helped me a lot to let go. To stop looking for salvation in the other. It’s not humanly possible. Too much to ask.
If we can get real on this one, we have a chance to be happy. 😄
The only way for me to find Peace, where intimacy with another is concerned, is to embrace the fact, that
there always will be pleasure and pain. 🙂😫
And it can get overwhelming. The pain can turn the retreat into a permanent state.
Or we can get to a point, where emotional stability is possible, even in times of conflict. Because that’s the only way we grow.
For me, the biggest lesson, this Line has taught me, is
to allow friction, 💥
to not shy away from conflict and to trust the other, that he or she will stay, that they will love me enough to have the endurance and the will
to find a solution together. 🤝
From the perspective of Human Design, Bonding is bound to fail. ⛔
Because the genetic imperative makes us search for the wrong partner, for the different, the incompatible one, because they make great babies, healthy babies, with new genes.
But the different, the incompatible doesn’t bond well, is bound to fail, to break up.
That’s the dilemma of humanity. That’s what we have to live with.
And there is no easy way out. 🤔
Over the last five decades of my life, I have tried so desperately to be loved. To find the right partner, the one who makes it right. And it wasn’t meant to be.
Instead, I had to learn the hard way about the fact, that
everything is inside myself. 🌟
That I have to see, understand and love myself first. There’s nothing else.
And I’m cringing, while I’m writing this, because it’s such an obvious truth.
Such a simple truth.
And a million people have said it before me. And a million will say it after me.
But this obvious truth is so far from being easy to live, to feel, to embody. 😒
Cut yourself some slack, then.
Take it easy on yourself. 🎈
And a heartfelt hurray to the brave, who make it. Because they are opening the doorway for humanity to fulfill the collective purpose of our form: Awareness.
Emotional awareness is the next mutation, 🌟
which is already under way. Right now.
Who knows, if we’ll really get there. Time’s running out for our species. Because it has proven, that it’s not a very good idea to live as a human being in transition for all eternity. That we aren’t the perfect bio form for eternal life.
So, I guess, Consciousness,
you better keep on looking! 😂